INFJ: Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, and Judgement.

Over 20 years ago a company I worked for asked the employees to participate in a Myers Briggs assessment, and I spent years ignoring the actual evaluation. I had zero interest in someone classifying me into four letters. My feeling was that no test could ever fully understand what makes me tick.

Yesterday, while enjoying a breakfast meeting with a colleague and friend, we start talking about personalities. I couldn’t remember my four letters, besides the “I,” not surprising given my attitude towards personality tests, but I promised to look it up when I got home… because we all know I saved the results.

That rabbit hole is very dark, damp, and dangerous. I had never Googled INFJ before. Do you know how many websites, articles, and blog posts there are about INFJ’s? Wow.

The first thing that surprised me was a site telling me that only 1-3% of people are INFJ, making me feel like I missed out on being in a super secret club or something. Who knew I was that rare? I didn’t. I’ve been living life my way.

Then I ended up reading about ten secrets about INFJs. There was nothing new here, yes, I can honestly say at least nine of them describe me.

1. Feel as though on a different wavelength
2. Highly perceptive of others
3. Absorb other people’s emotions
4. Amazing long-range forecasting abilities
5. Are both emotional and rational
6. Creators of deep emotional intimacy
7. Are true introverts
8. Sensitive to conflict
9. End up in one-sided relationships
10. Looking for their soulmates

Then I was pointed to an article about the “INFJ Door Slam.” Uhm. Now you have my attention. I immediately knew the words would describe me and, to be clear, I recognize that I have this misunderstood quality. Not my best quality and has been something I have struggled to understand for decades.

I have slammed the door many times, metaphorically, as I have very rarely slammed a real door. Very few people survived. Typically the INFJ slam is a fatal step, the last action, where one never will see or hear from me again. Most are shocked when it happens, and I assume they think it occurred because of one thing, or over a short period, but it’s typically not the case. In my case, there is no defined recipe, but the decision has taken time, analysis, and brought plenty of anxiety over time.

Continuing down the rabbit hole, I found an article that described the things INFJ’s hate the most, in short, I summarize them all as having a lack of quality. Chaos, arguing to merely argue, small talk, manipulation, and about 8 more were listed. Not surprising info, with each of them entirely valid, individually. The situation becomes volatile when more than one is active at any given time.

The moral of the story?

Though I stand by being a person that doesn’t want to be classified, which is part of being INFJ, I do wish that I had taken time 20 years ago to understand what it truly meant. Would it have changed my direction, passion, or life? Unlikely. But, now I am more inspired to help others understand INFJ and Introversion in general. Most still think that being an introvert is a form of being shy, and is not an accurate description of us.